Inside the world of a single father

According to a 2022 social and economic indicators study by the Planning Institute of Jamaica (PIOJ) and the Statistical Institute of Jamaica (STATIN), approximately 36.4% of children lack a father figure in the home, compared to just 2.1% without a mother figure (PIOJ  & STATIN, 2022).

But there are fathers, who don’t fit the narrative that have decided to accept their responsibility, and stand by their children, often setting aside their own needs while prioritising the welfare of the little ones. 

Brian Miller*, who works as a security guard and is the sole breadwinner for his family, is a father of five who takes full responsibility for the care and development of his children, resisting the prevailing notions of paternal negligence.

Speaking about his daily responsibilities, Brian describes the various tasks he undertakes when he gets home from work.

“I have to wash di whole a dem uniform a evening time. Me affi cook, as me go in a. Me affi mek sure set out the baby things first. Me affi guh pon me bicycle and drop the little girl at school… and then me affi guh back for her in the evening again,” he explained. 

After being married for over 11 years with  five children, including one from a previous relationship and four within the marriage, with the children’s ages ranging from four to 12, things suddenly changed and Brian found himself being the only parent in his children’s lives. 

“My woman went to work Monday and Tuesday, she laugh and talk with me and everything and then on the Tuesday evening, she called and ask for the washing brush. On Wednesday she made her departure and I didn’t see her back again, I only hear someone say she’s not coming back,” Brian stated.

He described the ordeal as shocking and stressful, but overtime he has managed to move forward. Since his wife’s departure, he says he has been singlehandedly taking care of all his children’s needs, playing multiple roles from cooking to cleaning and everything in between.

“Me affi plan out mi days. Me prepare the thing dem me need fi dinner, sometimes me cook the rice and the food, and start cook, turn off the stove, [and] head out fi pick up me daughter. Sometimes me will put the clothes inna di machine same time, meantime me a wash up the plate dem meanwhile. It rough man,” Brian explained. 

Experts say that all single parent homes have their distinct challenges, but for men, in particular, carrying the load of single parenting can be a major burden. Sherika Anderson, a licensed associate counselling psychologist at I Evolve Global, explained that single parents sometimes experience difficulties balancing various roles.

“Single fathers can experience a high level of stress, loneliness and emotional pressure because they are practically carrying multiple responsibilities that would otherwise be shared. So, they are balancing, managing work, managing childcare. They're managing the household as well so they would have very little downtime,” Sherika Anderson, a licensed associate counselling psychologist at I Evolve Global, shared.

However, she stressed that while there are deficiencies in any single parent home whether they are led by a man or woman, raising successful children is possible in an environment that promotes love and stability.

“Overall, the research shows that it's not based on whether [you have] a single father or a single mother, but rather the quality of parenting and the stability of the household. So, it's not necessarily the gender per se, but more so, how the parenting is done. Children tend to thrive when they have love, structure, things like emotional support, consistent guidance. So, whether daddy is able to provide that, or mommy is able to provide that, then the child is able to thrive,” Anderson explained. 

Through his daily actions, Mr. Miller is making a positive impact in the lives of his children, as he works towards the day when all his children grow up to be successful citizens in society. 

*Name changed